Today would have been my eldest son's 9th birthday. We went and put his flowers on his grave yesterday. DS was out for a few hours (OH and I feel that he has been through enough emotionally in the last few weeks and we didn't want to upset him anymore) and OH and I spent some time with our boys. I've spent all morning wondering what he would look like now, what his personality would be.
The tradition is to have cake, it's something I started from day 1. DS doesn't know why we have cake but it's something that I need to do. Although Joe knows a little about Miles, I have never actually told him too much. I always felt that it was unfair to tell him because he wouldn't really understand and also that it was too much for him to cope with emotionally. Now I really don't think he needs to be told about it, losing Ethan has been extremely hard on him.
OH half is working today but he's been sms-ing me since he left the house. I don't know what I would do without him. He most certainly is my rock. He keeps me going every day and picks me up and puts me back together when I fall to pieces. I'm looking forward to all the hugs I've been promised when he gets home.
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