...... updating this blog lol
I know I am 8 and a half weeks lat but I have the pleasure of announcing the safe, if early, arrival of our precious son born on 6 December 2008. We had a worrying time towards the end which resulted in me being admitted to hospital 9 times in the last month of pregnancy due to developing pre-eclampsia again - but our boy was born via emergency section and is here safe and healthy.
Now for the next step in life - finally losing all the extra weight I am carrying around with me. Only a measly 91 pounds to lose - should be a doddle hey lol yeah right. You never know, I might even get around to updating this blog more often lol
Tuesday 3 February 2009
Wednesday 5 November 2008
I hate the paranoia
I have 42 days left until my section. I thought I would get better the further I got along but I am getting worse.
This baby likes to hide away - meaning I feel minimal kicks - not at all reassuring for me. I feel like I am burdening everyone with my worries and bringing everyone else down with me. I wish it was the day before my section.
The first thing I think of every morning is that this will be the last day I am pregnant because it's all going to go wrong. I feel as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am trying my hardest to be positive but it's so difficult when I know that there is so much that could still go wrong.
The most annoying thing today is that I was monitored yesterday at the hospital - I was given a ctg for reassurance. But this baby did not want to co-operate at all. I heard the heartbeat but they tried to keep a trace on it twice and it would not play ball! They could only keep a trace for a couple of minutes before the trace was lost - t be fair the midwife tried and tried but in the end we had to give up because they couldn't keep it for long enough to show a trace on paper.
42 days - in one sense it feels like there's no time left really and in another (the bigger sense) it feels like wee still have a lifetime to go before this baby gets here, God willing that it does.
Sorry for my ramblings but they are eating me up so bad inside.
This baby likes to hide away - meaning I feel minimal kicks - not at all reassuring for me. I feel like I am burdening everyone with my worries and bringing everyone else down with me. I wish it was the day before my section.
The first thing I think of every morning is that this will be the last day I am pregnant because it's all going to go wrong. I feel as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am trying my hardest to be positive but it's so difficult when I know that there is so much that could still go wrong.
The most annoying thing today is that I was monitored yesterday at the hospital - I was given a ctg for reassurance. But this baby did not want to co-operate at all. I heard the heartbeat but they tried to keep a trace on it twice and it would not play ball! They could only keep a trace for a couple of minutes before the trace was lost - t be fair the midwife tried and tried but in the end we had to give up because they couldn't keep it for long enough to show a trace on paper.
42 days - in one sense it feels like there's no time left really and in another (the bigger sense) it feels like wee still have a lifetime to go before this baby gets here, God willing that it does.
Sorry for my ramblings but they are eating me up so bad inside.
Thursday 2 October 2008
So it's been a month from my last post - I've been trying my hardest to be as positive as I can but it's hard.
I've had 1 good week in the last month that I've managed to be positive every single day, which is good because it's been a long time since I've felt like that. Unfortunately the paranoia is creeping back in day by day. I have a fear that my body is going to let this little one down as well, it's a feeling that I just can't shake.
DF is my rock and I don't know what I would do without him, he somehow manages to get me through each and every day.
Anyway on a positive note I have been given a date for my section, it's on December 17th, that means in 10 weeks a 6 days this little one will be here and in our arms - safe and sound.
I've had 1 good week in the last month that I've managed to be positive every single day, which is good because it's been a long time since I've felt like that. Unfortunately the paranoia is creeping back in day by day. I have a fear that my body is going to let this little one down as well, it's a feeling that I just can't shake.
DF is my rock and I don't know what I would do without him, he somehow manages to get me through each and every day.
Anyway on a positive note I have been given a date for my section, it's on December 17th, that means in 10 weeks a 6 days this little one will be here and in our arms - safe and sound.
Monday 1 September 2008
Paranoia
I am sooooooo paranoid about things going wrong this time.
I FINALLY told my parents and my younger brother that I am pregnant but have sworn them ALL to secrecy. Now I keep thinking that something will go wrong because I have told people in my family - yes I know how irrational that sounds lol
Today I am suffering with lower back pain, stomach ache and a little nausea. I am sat with my feet up to try and stop it all. I don't know if I have over done it, slept funny or there is something more sinister is going on. If it doesn't ease in a couple of hours I'm going to call my MW and see what she says.
I had an appt with my GP on friday and explained about the hip and leg pain that I have been having - there is a possibility that I have SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction) oh why can't I just sail through pregnancy lol
I have also made a decision - I originally thought that I would have a c-section at 38 weeks, but I've now decided to push to have one at 37 weeks, there are many reasons for this but one of the main ones is my sanity, I'm struggling so much emotionally at the moment.
On sunday I will be at the same gestation that I delivered Ethan, I'm so convinced that the same thing will happen this time that I just can't see past it.
If I get my wish to have this little one at 37 weeks - I only have another 14 weeks to go - I hope each and every one of them goes by as fast as possible.
I'm back to work on wednesday but I don't think I will be there for very long, I just don't think I can cope with anymore stress right now. We'll see how it goes, I'm going on maternity leave in 6 weeks so I'm going to try and hold out for that long but I don't know if it will work out that way.
Take care xx
I FINALLY told my parents and my younger brother that I am pregnant but have sworn them ALL to secrecy. Now I keep thinking that something will go wrong because I have told people in my family - yes I know how irrational that sounds lol
Today I am suffering with lower back pain, stomach ache and a little nausea. I am sat with my feet up to try and stop it all. I don't know if I have over done it, slept funny or there is something more sinister is going on. If it doesn't ease in a couple of hours I'm going to call my MW and see what she says.
I had an appt with my GP on friday and explained about the hip and leg pain that I have been having - there is a possibility that I have SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction) oh why can't I just sail through pregnancy lol
I have also made a decision - I originally thought that I would have a c-section at 38 weeks, but I've now decided to push to have one at 37 weeks, there are many reasons for this but one of the main ones is my sanity, I'm struggling so much emotionally at the moment.
On sunday I will be at the same gestation that I delivered Ethan, I'm so convinced that the same thing will happen this time that I just can't see past it.
If I get my wish to have this little one at 37 weeks - I only have another 14 weeks to go - I hope each and every one of them goes by as fast as possible.
I'm back to work on wednesday but I don't think I will be there for very long, I just don't think I can cope with anymore stress right now. We'll see how it goes, I'm going on maternity leave in 6 weeks so I'm going to try and hold out for that long but I don't know if it will work out that way.
Take care xx
Friday 22 August 2008
Things that have happened this week,,,,,
I COMPLETELY forgot to update this blog after our scan on tuesday, sorry about that.
Everything went really well and baby is looking good at the moment - although I know that this can change I am trying to stay positive. baby is VERY active now and I am feeling regular movements every day now, this helps with the paranoia a bit and gives me a huge amount of reassurance.
I met my parents for lunch yesterday, they were travelling past to stay with friends in the north and being as I haven't seen them since June we took the opportunity to meet up.
I did spill the beans but they are both sworn to secrecy for now. My mom surprised me by being delighted and excited for us, I really thought she would have told me that she felt it was too soon. She reassured me that they are always there for us. My dad was shocked I think, and I could see the look of fear in his eyes. He went very quiet although he did congratulate us several times. I know that he is scared that we are going to face heartbreak again - I told them that we are just taking one day at a time and that we will be praying that God keeps a special eye on this little one.
They both completely understood why we have kept it quiet for so long and have assured me that they won't spill the beans to the rest of the family until we are ready for everyone to know.
So all in all a good week was had - I hope and pray that the weeks continue to be good to us and that this baby thrives and is born just before christmas.
Will keep you posted.
Take care of yourselves xx
Everything went really well and baby is looking good at the moment - although I know that this can change I am trying to stay positive. baby is VERY active now and I am feeling regular movements every day now, this helps with the paranoia a bit and gives me a huge amount of reassurance.
I met my parents for lunch yesterday, they were travelling past to stay with friends in the north and being as I haven't seen them since June we took the opportunity to meet up.
I did spill the beans but they are both sworn to secrecy for now. My mom surprised me by being delighted and excited for us, I really thought she would have told me that she felt it was too soon. She reassured me that they are always there for us. My dad was shocked I think, and I could see the look of fear in his eyes. He went very quiet although he did congratulate us several times. I know that he is scared that we are going to face heartbreak again - I told them that we are just taking one day at a time and that we will be praying that God keeps a special eye on this little one.
They both completely understood why we have kept it quiet for so long and have assured me that they won't spill the beans to the rest of the family until we are ready for everyone to know.
So all in all a good week was had - I hope and pray that the weeks continue to be good to us and that this baby thrives and is born just before christmas.
Will keep you posted.
Take care of yourselves xx
Monday 18 August 2008
Tomorrow is a big day
We have our anomoly scan tomorrow to check everything is ok with baby. Fingers crossed everything is looking healthy :)
We still haven't told anyone although it's getting increasingly difficult to hide my bump lol My parents are driving past on thursday to go visit with friends in the north and I'm hoping to meet up with them. The reason for this is that my brother and his girlfriend are coming to stay with us at the weekend and it doesn't feel "right" that they work things out before my parents know.
Subject to everything being ok tomorrow we are probably going to tell DS this week at some point. I don't want him to overhear any conversations that will let him know that there is another baby on the way. I want us to be the ones to tell him because I am sure that he will have lots of questions about whether everthing is going to be ok this time. I don't know what I will do if things go wrong - I don't want him to have to live through that heartache again. I have made the decision that if things don't have a happy ending this time then there will be no more attempts. This is our only chance to expand our family - I'm not sure we would get through another heartbreak. And I'm certain that I don't want to put everyone through this again.
My attempts at staying positive are going ok at the moment, well that's until baby decides to take a nap and I spend the time waiting for it to wake up lol I love feeling the movements and it gives me the reassurance I need.
When everyone finds out about this little one it's going to be strange that we won't have our "secret" anymore lol it's been quite nice that we haven't shared our news lol
I forced myself to look at some things at the store the other day - necessary items that we will need and although it makes sense to buy a little at a time I just can't make myself do that. I'll be running around the week before I deliver trying to get everything we need for this baby lol
Anyway, keep us in your prayers for tomorrow please - I'll update as soon as I get back from the hospital.
Take care xx
We still haven't told anyone although it's getting increasingly difficult to hide my bump lol My parents are driving past on thursday to go visit with friends in the north and I'm hoping to meet up with them. The reason for this is that my brother and his girlfriend are coming to stay with us at the weekend and it doesn't feel "right" that they work things out before my parents know.
Subject to everything being ok tomorrow we are probably going to tell DS this week at some point. I don't want him to overhear any conversations that will let him know that there is another baby on the way. I want us to be the ones to tell him because I am sure that he will have lots of questions about whether everthing is going to be ok this time. I don't know what I will do if things go wrong - I don't want him to have to live through that heartache again. I have made the decision that if things don't have a happy ending this time then there will be no more attempts. This is our only chance to expand our family - I'm not sure we would get through another heartbreak. And I'm certain that I don't want to put everyone through this again.
My attempts at staying positive are going ok at the moment, well that's until baby decides to take a nap and I spend the time waiting for it to wake up lol I love feeling the movements and it gives me the reassurance I need.
When everyone finds out about this little one it's going to be strange that we won't have our "secret" anymore lol it's been quite nice that we haven't shared our news lol
I forced myself to look at some things at the store the other day - necessary items that we will need and although it makes sense to buy a little at a time I just can't make myself do that. I'll be running around the week before I deliver trying to get everything we need for this baby lol
Anyway, keep us in your prayers for tomorrow please - I'll update as soon as I get back from the hospital.
Take care xx
Sunday 10 August 2008
Another Update
Sorry it's been so long - I had every intention of updating earlier in the week but I've been so busy this week.
Paranoia has kicked in BIG style this weekend. I've spent far too much time convincing myself that everything is going wrong again. Not good for me. I've been trying my hardest to stay positive but it's proving more difficult as the weeks go by.
I've reached and passed one goal - I'm over halfl way through now. I'll be having a c-section at 38 weeks so on wednesday it was my half way goal. Next goal is to get to 24 weeks, we lost Ethan at 23+4 so 24 is a huge goal. Not only will it get us past the time that we lost Ethan but also the baby reaches viability at 24 weeks.
I have my anomoly scan on August 19th, fingers crossed that it all goes ok. We still haven't made a decision as to whether we are going to tell my son yet - a friend has offered to watch him while I have my scan if I need her to. I've got 9 days to decide that one.
Our families still don't know either - we weren't goingg to tell them until September but we have members of my family staying with us at the end of August and I don't want them to know before my mom does. Another decision that needs to be made in the next few days lol
I don't think there is much else to catch up on - I still have finished decluttering the house which I want and need to be done by Wednesday. Oh well we shall see lol
Take care xx
Paranoia has kicked in BIG style this weekend. I've spent far too much time convincing myself that everything is going wrong again. Not good for me. I've been trying my hardest to stay positive but it's proving more difficult as the weeks go by.
I've reached and passed one goal - I'm over halfl way through now. I'll be having a c-section at 38 weeks so on wednesday it was my half way goal. Next goal is to get to 24 weeks, we lost Ethan at 23+4 so 24 is a huge goal. Not only will it get us past the time that we lost Ethan but also the baby reaches viability at 24 weeks.
I have my anomoly scan on August 19th, fingers crossed that it all goes ok. We still haven't made a decision as to whether we are going to tell my son yet - a friend has offered to watch him while I have my scan if I need her to. I've got 9 days to decide that one.
Our families still don't know either - we weren't goingg to tell them until September but we have members of my family staying with us at the end of August and I don't want them to know before my mom does. Another decision that needs to be made in the next few days lol
I don't think there is much else to catch up on - I still have finished decluttering the house which I want and need to be done by Wednesday. Oh well we shall see lol
Take care xx
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