Things that have happened this week,,,,,

I COMPLETELY forgot to update this blog after our scan on tuesday, sorry about that.

Everything went really well and baby is looking good at the moment - although I know that this can change I am trying to stay positive. baby is VERY active now and I am feeling regular movements every day now, this helps with the paranoia a bit and gives me a huge amount of reassurance.

I met my parents for lunch yesterday, they were travelling past to stay with friends in the north and being as I haven't seen them since June we took the opportunity to meet up.

I did spill the beans but they are both sworn to secrecy for now. My mom surprised me by being delighted and excited for us, I really thought she would have told me that she felt it was too soon. She reassured me that they are always there for us. My dad was shocked I think, and I could see the look of fear in his eyes. He went very quiet although he did congratulate us several times. I know that he is scared that we are going to face heartbreak again - I told them that we are just taking one day at a time and that we will be praying that God keeps a special eye on this little one.

They both completely understood why we have kept it quiet for so long and have assured me that they won't spill the beans to the rest of the family until we are ready for everyone to know.

So all in all a good week was had - I hope and pray that the weeks continue to be good to us and that this baby thrives and is born just before christmas.

Will keep you posted.

Take care of yourselves xx

Tomorrow is a big day

We have our anomoly scan tomorrow to check everything is ok with baby. Fingers crossed everything is looking healthy :)

We still haven't told anyone although it's getting increasingly difficult to hide my bump lol My parents are driving past on thursday to go visit with friends in the north and I'm hoping to meet up with them. The reason for this is that my brother and his girlfriend are coming to stay with us at the weekend and it doesn't feel "right" that they work things out before my parents know.

Subject to everything being ok tomorrow we are probably going to tell DS this week at some point. I don't want him to overhear any conversations that will let him know that there is another baby on the way. I want us to be the ones to tell him because I am sure that he will have lots of questions about whether everthing is going to be ok this time. I don't know what I will do if things go wrong - I don't want him to have to live through that heartache again. I have made the decision that if things don't have a happy ending this time then there will be no more attempts. This is our only chance to expand our family - I'm not sure we would get through another heartbreak. And I'm certain that I don't want to put everyone through this again.

My attempts at staying positive are going ok at the moment, well that's until baby decides to take a nap and I spend the time waiting for it to wake up lol I love feeling the movements and it gives me the reassurance I need.

When everyone finds out about this little one it's going to be strange that we won't have our "secret" anymore lol it's been quite nice that we haven't shared our news lol

I forced myself to look at some things at the store the other day - necessary items that we will need and although it makes sense to buy a little at a time I just can't make myself do that. I'll be running around the week before I deliver trying to get everything we need for this baby lol

Anyway, keep us in your prayers for tomorrow please - I'll update as soon as I get back from the hospital.

Take care xx

Another Update

Sorry it's been so long - I had every intention of updating earlier in the week but I've been so busy this week.

Paranoia has kicked in BIG style this weekend. I've spent far too much time convincing myself that everything is going wrong again. Not good for me. I've been trying my hardest to stay positive but it's proving more difficult as the weeks go by.

I've reached and passed one goal - I'm over halfl way through now. I'll be having a c-section at 38 weeks so on wednesday it was my half way goal. Next goal is to get to 24 weeks, we lost Ethan at 23+4 so 24 is a huge goal. Not only will it get us past the time that we lost Ethan but also the baby reaches viability at 24 weeks.

I have my anomoly scan on August 19th, fingers crossed that it all goes ok. We still haven't made a decision as to whether we are going to tell my son yet - a friend has offered to watch him while I have my scan if I need her to. I've got 9 days to decide that one.

Our families still don't know either - we weren't goingg to tell them until September but we have members of my family staying with us at the end of August and I don't want them to know before my mom does. Another decision that needs to be made in the next few days lol

I don't think there is much else to catch up on - I still have finished decluttering the house which I want and need to be done by Wednesday. Oh well we shall see lol

Take care xx